Soundtrack; Zbigniew Preisner - Damage fatale
Sometimes, hoping, dreaming, trying, finding a reason to keep going, is just too hard
There are no more tears to spear, yet tears are all I have left
One would think despair can’t get any worst, but there’s always one more step down to go
I thought I had reached the bottom, I was wrong
I thought I had lost it all, but there was more
Funny, it hurts more when you lose something you didn’t know you had
It’s because you realize what you had, after you have already lost it
No more sunrises for me, no more rainbows after the storm
All is gone now, now I am left empty again, now I know it’s better to stay this way
This way, nothing can harm you; you have nothing that someone could take away from you
When you’re empty, you have no expectations, therefore there are no disappointments
I don’t want to feel joy again, not if I’m going to be slapped in the face right after
No more dreams for me please, I have had enough!
I have followed them and they led me to the darkest corners of my soul
I gave everything to life and I got back only pain
My demons will never leave me and I have no more strength to fight them
My angels have abandoned me long ago, I call for them and they do not listen
They say you cannot appreciate life fully if you have not felt pain
In that case, I can appreciate life ultimately!
Absolute absence of light in my mind, in my soul, in my thoughts and my heart
Total failure of myself, all responsibility is mine
It’s so hard to get away from myself
So hard to tolerate me, so appalling to see what I’ve done to me
I always feared what I could let happen to me
Now I can see why
I must go on, ruined and alone in the misty future
I no longer anticipate for fairies and elves, the castle has been burned down to the bottom
All there is left are the cold, hard stones, awaiting for the winds and the rains to turn them into dust
I have to take it, I cannot break down the walls, time shall do it for me
It’s going to be painful and slow, but see no other way
Unfortunately, nothing was strong enough to eliminate my existence
Some admire this strength of me, but they cannot understand
Being strong means taking every hit with pride and patience
I wish to let others see me breaking down, falling apart
But I cannot, it is against my nature, I am unable to overcome my restricts
So I have to accept this new situation, adjust to it and just go through it
I believe I can manage it, after all, it’s all I can do
Life keeps on and the only thing to do is let it pass by me
I never want to feel it’s touch again
It’s just too painful for me, too much to handle